Tampa Bay 44 - New England 23 : Tompa Brady vs Big Mac Jones

    

    Sunday Night we get to see the game of the decade when Tom "Kiss His Dad" Brady returns to Foxborough for the first time since he and The Patriots parted ways in a devastating breakup. Brady pretty much had two hall of fame careers with the New England and is currently in the process of building a third with Tampa. No shit ("cap" for the younger folks), Brady probably deserves to have three Busts of himself in the Pro Football Hall of Fame when he retires, one for each decade. 

    Fun Fact, this game actually marks the biggest age gap between two starting QBs that have ever played each other (21 years). Think about that, Brady had already won a National Championship with Michigan (backup QB) before Jones was even born. But as Tom Brady has said "Age is just a number, I'll kiss whomever I want". 

    

    There is a lot of publicity going around about Tom and Bill Belichick feuding with each other and I honestly am calling bullshit on it. It's all just for views and clicks, at the end of the day Bill will probably be the one who gives Tom's Hall of Fame induction speech in what the press will call a "reconciliation" or something stupid like that. 

    Should be a high scoring game, I'm pretty sure Tom doesn't need to watch film to figure out what Belichick is up to. Likewise, the Bucs have been letting up a crazy amount of points for a defense that helped carry the team to a Superbowl last year. Also Gronk is returning to face the Patriots for the first time, this game will likely have at least 18-20 comparison pictures of the two as teammates with the Pats compared to the Bucs.

Prediction:

Tampa Bay (44) - New England (23) because why the hell not?

Say Something Nice

    Tampa just picked up former Pro Bowl Corner Richard Sherman from Free Agency. I hope they get a tax break for helping the needy.

Ford Field: Whose Stupid Idea was this?

    

    What do you think of when you think of when you hear the words NFC NORTH? Most people probably start thinking things like a dumpster, landfill, septic tank, Asbestos, or Aaron Rodgers. The NFC NORTH is weird man, some years they open up the season looking like they're indestructible and others....... the opposite. It's been years of inconsistency that have driven fans crazy and honestly...... I love it. When I hear NFC NORTH, I think of Grit. This is the division that plays real football, not like those flimsy warm weather teams. During the beginning of the season some teams may stand a chance playing teams like the Packers and Bears (not Vikings) at home, but once the snow falls its a whole different ball game. That's when the Real Grit comes into play. Does a team like the Dolphins really want to come into Soldier or Lambo field in December and play in a game when the temperature is 20F? NOT A CHANCE. These open stadiums create an atmosphere and advantage like no other. Makes for AMAZING, GRITTY, NFC NORTH FOOTBALL. 

    So tell me this WHY THE FUCK DO THE LIONS PLAY IN AN ENCLOSED STADIUM? You know who designed Ford Field? Obviously someone who didn't know shit about NFC NORTH FOOTBALL. They probably thought to themselves "Well we played in a dome for this long, might as well build an enclosed building to give us zero home field advantage durrrrrrrrrrrr". Don't get me wrong, Lions fans have a special place in their heart for The Pontiac Silverdome, but in 26 years at the Silver Dome the lions totaled 8 winning seasons. Let me repeat, EIGHT SEASONS OUT OF TWENTY-SIX THAT THEY WEREN'T COMPLETE TRASH. Why try to recreate that when you could have started something new? The Lions should have 100% built an open stadium, the home field advantage alone would have been worth the money and saved so much heartache. 

    I make this same argument to Lions fans every year, but this year it hurt them more than usual. Last week we saw the Hall of Fame leg of Justin Tucker send a football 66 yards though the air to doink its way though the uprights and win Baltimore the game. This is one of many Lion's losses that could have been avoided if they didn't play in Fucking Enclosed Stadium.

    

Fun Weather Facts for Detroit 9/26/2021 (Day of Loss to Baltimore)

    The Wind was blowing between 9-12mph coming from the South-South West. At the same time, Justin Tucker was performing his Record Breaking kick toward the Lions East End Zone. With that kind of wind Tucker's accuracy would have been reduced as the 9-12mph winds would have pushed the ball to his left, reducing his chances of kicking the field goal immensely. The Ravens honestly probably wouldn't have even tried the field goal at that point. 

    Think of all the times the times the Lions lost games because the conditions in Ford Field are too perfect, I wont even list them as it just makes me even more angry. 

Letter to Dan Campbell 

    Coach, if you read this I want to let you know that you are the only person who has the GRIT to do this. To save you job and the future of the Detroit Lions, you need to personally cut off the roof of Ford Field. That would be the GRITIEST move a Lions coach could ever make and would probably land you in the NFC Championship within Two to Three years tops. 

Say Something Nice

Watching the Lions is a Thanksgiving tradition.

NFL Minor league 2022: AAA Football

    

   

     There is one thing you will always get me to agree with which is that there is always more room for football. Not saying there isn't a lot of football games, but they all happen at the same time. That's why I've been such a supporter of the XFL, USFL, AAF, and other leagues that try to add more football into the year. Unfortunately, the NFL holds a Monopoly over American Football and any attempts at new leagues end up failing almost right from the start. Ratings usually start dropping and the leagues just don't make the income to support their organization and players. NFL fans already have their favorite teams and seem to giving any more attention to another sports club, which can be disappointing for some players who just haven't developed enough in college or those who want a second chance to play. How could we make this happen? NFL Minor League Football. 

    Why try to fight it, when you can join it? The NFL and it's teams have the money, facilities, and fans to make this happen; so why not? I'm not even talking a game every week. Imagine just once every two weeks have your rookies, practice squad members, free agents, or whomever is looking for a chance to compete and play some football on a competitive level before training camp or the regular season starts. You could just make the season June through July for all I care, I just think it would be a cool way to watch some football. Hell, you could even replace the whole pre-season and just do this instead (maybe). 

    I'm not talking using established NFL team names and mascots either, I'm saying they should establish affiliate teams directly correlated with an established franchise. Imagine a team like The Miami Dolphins; lets say they draft a 5th round Corner Back from a FCS school and want to see how he will transition from college to the Pro level. So after you draft him, you could sign him under the stipulation that he will have to be a member of the Miami Flippers (great name) until training camp begins. That way the coaches can see how he matches up to seasoned NFL practice squad players, other rookies, and undrafted players. At the same time, you broadcast and even sell tickets to all these games so fans can watch their Franchise's future prospects or maybe even some practice squad fan favorites earn their spot in the league. We do it with The MLB, why not the NFL?

    The players in the league don't have to be temporary either. Maybe you have some guys that just can't quite cut it at the top level so they just bounce around the minors until they're ready to call it a career. It's too late now, but imagine how great Tim Tebow could have been in this league instead of playing minor league baseball? I honestly could name five or more Rookie Quarterbacks this year that could have benefitted from getting some minor league snaps before taking over a Franchise as a whole. 

List of what I believe could possibly be great NFL-AAA team names:

-New England (Musketeers)

-Atlanta (Firebirds)

-New York (Cyclops/Warthogs)

-Buffalo (Oakleys)

-Detroit (Ligers)

-San Francisco (Gold)

-Seattle (Seagulls) 

-LA (Kids/Thunder)

-Las Vegas (Gamblers)

-Arizona (Sand)

-Dallas (Lone Stars)

-Denver (Stampede) 

-Houston (Republics)

-New Orleans (Prayer)

-Pittsburg (Metal)

-Philadelphia (Birds)

-Chicago (Sun Bears)

-Green Bay (Fudge Packers)

-Cleveland (Orange)

-Cincinnati (Stripes)

-Minnesota (Pillagers)

-Washington (Minor League Football Team)

-Tampa Bay (Skippers)

-Carolina (Cats)

-Kansas City (Corporals)

-Baltimore (Crows)

-Miami (Flippers)

-Indianapolis (Horse Shoes)

-Jacksonville (Fangs)

-Tennessee (Oilers) 

  

    

How Are These Teams in 1st Place?

 

It's the end of week 3 and the NFL is in total chaos. We have teams like the chiefs that were talking all off- season about being the first group to go 17-0 in the Regular season after adding an additional game. Now they are 1-2 three games into the year... karma can be a real a bitch. The Steelers, who started off last year 11-0 find themselves under .500 and seeing that Big Ben can barely walk around in the pocket without falling, I'm not even surprised to see them struggle to start the year. But the real shocker this year is the teams that ARE playing well and currently lead their divisions. 

AFC West: 

Like I said, the Chiefs are having a Super Bowl hangover from hell, but nobody thought that this division was up for grabs. The Broncos and the Raiders are both 3-0 and look like actual football teams (in comparison to their years past at least). This is even crazier when you think about how the Broncos didn't know who their starting QB was until 2 weeks before the season and now Teddy Bridgewater looks like Jesus on the football field! The Raiders meanwhile have a sweet new stadium that I think puts all other teams in awe. When you think about this division though, just remember that Patrick Mahomes AND Justin Herbert were both in the top 5 for MVP odds. Neither of them have been as successful as Teddy Bridgewater (who is now on his 5th team in 7 years) or Derek Carr (who looks like he’s about to commit a murder).

AFC North: 

TECHNICALLY the NFL has the Bengals listed as 1st place in their division but for them to even be tied with the likes of the Ravens and the Browns, who are two of the favorites in the AFC this year, is pretty Amazing. While I expect the Browns to win the division and make a deep run in the playoffs, the Bengals are... somehow... sticking around? Even if previous articles say they suck (which they still do in my opinion) this team has to be given SOME credit. So here it is: congrats on being the best Ohio team for the time being.

NFC South: 

Raise your hand if you thought the Panthers would be in 1st place over the Reigning Champion Buccaneers, always reliable Saints, and even the Falcons. If you're raising your hand then shut the fuck up and put it back down. Outside of Christian McCaffrey this team was nothing coming into the year. coming off signing Sam fucking Darnold who was one of the least productive 1st round QB's in recent memory everybody was thinking that they were going to simply tank or drown in a still overly competitive division. Well, now Sammy boy is balling out averaging almost 300 yards and a combined 2 TD's per game while limiting his turnovers. Meanwhile Tom Brady just got outplayed by soon to be named MVP Matthew Stafford (love you Matthew)

Overall this season has been a crapshoot for a lot of the better teams in the league. I'm personally hoping that these teams can turn it around because I may or may not have placed a ton of bets for division winners at the start of the year that aren't looking so hot right about now. 

Rookie Mistakes: From QB1 to QBdone

     This is the first week this year that we saw five teams starting their rookie QBs. It may be way too early to assess this, but none of these QBs should probably be starting in the NFL. It's not their faults either, you have these coaches out there that all think they drafted the next best thing and try to rush these "delusions of grandeur" (Star Wars Reference) into their minds that not only should they automatically have a starting job, but that they should be good at it. 

Below I have included the seasonal stats of all Rookie QBs who started week 3 

Trevor Lawrence: 5-TD passing, 6-INT, 54.24% passing, 669yds, 0-TD Rushing, 2 fumbles, 3 starts, 3 total games

Zach Wilson: 2-TD passing,  7-INT, 55.24% passing, 628yds, 0-TD Rushing, 1 fumble, 3 starts, 3 total games

Justin Fields: 0-TD passing, 1-TD Rushing, 1-INT, 40% passing, 138yds, 1-TD Rushing, 1 fumble, 1 start, 3 total games

Mac Jones: 2-TD passing, , 3-INT, 67.5% passing, 737yds, 0-TD Rushing, 2 fumbles, 3 starts, 3 total games

Davis Mills: 2-TD passing,  1-INT, 58.7% passing, 270yds, 0-TD Rushing, 1 fumble, 1 start, 2 total games

Numbers and figures sourced from nfl.com

    Yeah, it's not looking too good for them right now. The Jaguars should have kept Gardner Minshew and let Trevor Lawrence learn behind an "interesting" but seasoned QB. Also calling "BUST" on Lawrence, I think he'll fade out in 3-4 years. The Jets are trash and I honestly was going to start trashing Adam Gase until I realized he got fired after last season lol; the Jets came into this season with 3 QBs on the roster that had zero NFL starts between any of them so what the hell did you expect from "SUPER BUST" Zach Wilson? The Bears put up the lowest amount of passing yards from any team in the last century against the Browns. The cameras caught Nick Foles on the sideline telling and injured Andy Dalton that "Matt's offense just isn't working", I would love to be in that QB room this week...."NOT"   -Wayne's World. It doesn't matter who you put in Nagy's offense whether it's Trubisky, Fields, Dalton, or even Jesus Christ; 90% they will look like shit; calling "BUST" on Nagy. Mac Jones has seasoned athletes and coaches around him, but he actually may just be making rookie mistakes; probably won't be great by any means but I won't put the "BUST" label on him just yet. Last but probably least comes the Texans who had Davis Mills take the start because of an injury and multiple sexual assaults' (allegedly). Honestly not much the Texans could have done about that, but they should probably just forfeit the rest of the season and come back next year. Can't put the "BUST" label on Mills because he's exactly who we though he is. 

TLDR:

NFL teams should not start Rookie QBs, it won't help them progress and makes the Head Coach look like a dumbass. 

Prediction:

Chicago Bears (1-16)

    

Another Shit Primetime Game

         

Here we have the last two # 1 overall picks that are supposed to be saviors to their franchise. What they have been to start the year has been absolute dog shit.

 Lets start with Joe Burrow, This guy had allegedly the best College football season of all time in 2019 and was supposed to instantly turn the Bengals fortunes around. All he did was break his fucking leg halfway through the year leading the Bengals to another high draft pick that they can take to pick a Generational Lineman to protect his blindside, ya know the reason he broke his leg? But no they decided to take his old drinking buddy Ja'Mar Chase from LSU instead so when the team sucks again they can at least suck together. 

Next we have Trevor Lawrence the guy who never lost a regular season game in his football career leading up to the NFL. He is the best QB prospect since Manning (Peyton not this idiot that beat Tom Brady in the Super Bowl Twice), and what does he do to start his NFL career? Loses to the fucking Texans... name more than 5 players on their team I bet you can't. He follows up this performance by throwing for a grand total of.... 118 yards - a single touchdown - 2 interceptions. 

When he was in college ESPN would jizz all over themselves every time he threw the ball to another 5-star recruit who did all the work to score a TD against a team like Wake Forest. He had an average QB rating of 164.5 during college (dont ask me how the fuck you can play better than 100) now in the NFL over the course of these two starts he has a QB rating of 57.1. His rating is worse than literally everybody except Zach Wilson this year, who just threw 4 interceptions last week... and also sucks. 

Both these dudes are terrible and their teams are even worse. and if the NFL thinks that this is worthy of a fucking primetime game then give me a job, I can throw shit at a wall and get it to stick too. 

Prediction: Bengals beat Jaguars 27 -17 and both QB's throw at least 2 more interceptions. 

Hidden Valley Ranch: Crime Syndicate

    

    This is the article that may get me killed so be cautious who this information gets shared with. I have mind blowing theory about hidden valley and all other condiment manufacturers and distributers that not only would change the way we think about food packaging, but life as a whole. 

    

    I came up with this theory back in college after I microwaved some frozen chicken strips for dinner. I had the chicken strips on the plate in front of me and I grabbed a bottle of ranch to add a little mid-west jazz to flavor it up. When I popped off the cap and squeezed the bottle to give myself a generous (but nothing over the top) amount of ranch to dip in, I found that half of the ranch bottle had just poured out all over my plate and ruined the chicken to ranch ratio that I have developed over the years. The cause? A lack of a bottle nipple that is usually under the cap. 

    

    THIS FUCKING BOTTLE NIPPLE HAS BEEN THE BANE OF MY EXISTANCE FOR YEARS NOW. I'VE WASTED SO MUCH FUCKING CONDIMENTS, LIKE SERIOUSLY, WHAT THE ACTUALL FUCK. 

    So when I started thinking about it, I began to remember how often this has happened to me. Ask yourself how many times have you made a salad, decided to add ranch or caesar dressing and then literally ruined it with half a bottle of bullshit because of this missing nipple? And don't give me that bullshit of "Well don't buy the bottle with the wide mouth then", YOU FIND ME A NORMAL BOTTLE THAT SAYS WIDE MOUTH, I FUCKING DARE YOU. THEIR IS ZERO/NADA INDICATION ON THE AVERAGE BOTTLE THAT TELLS YOU WHETHER OR NOT IT HAS A NIPPLE OR NOT. 

    

    Before my day of epiphany, I would just excuse it as lack of a functioning quality department. Like there was no way they were actually checking every bottle they sold or none of this would be an issue. But then I started thinking....... What.......if.......... they didn't check on purpose? What if they decided that not checking for a lack of this little piece of plastic could actually make them millions in the long run? My theory is that they 100% know about this issue and do nothing about it because THEY WANT YOU TO WASTE RANCH!! It makes perfect sense! They sell you a non-conforming bottle of ranch for $2-$5, you waste half of it in one use, you run out of your favorite dipping sauce faster, and then you finally have to go back to the store to spend more money than you should have in the first place. It may not be illegal, but it's deceiving the customers into purchasing more which might as well be stealing. 

Conclusion:

- Big Condiment is stealing your hard earned money

- Hidden Valley wont answer any of my emails 

- #InspectTheNipple  

Now Say Something Nice:

-Ranch is great on pizza