Wednesday, October 6, 2021

Chicago Bears: Smartest Franchise of all Time

 


    Many people will argue that the Chicago Bears have made many dumbass decisions in their history as a sports team. Notably when it comes to their decisiveness when choosing head coaches, their inability to keep the top players they draft on their team, and overall the quality of players they draft in the top rounds. Is Patrick Mahomes REALLY that much better than Mitch Trubisky? I don't think the evidence is their to solidify that claim yet. But I believe the Bears have just made up for all this dumbassery by making their smartest trade to date. 

    The Bears just announced a trade yesterday for Jakeem Grant (Wide Receiver) from the Miami Dolphins for an undisclosed draft pick. It has been reported however by Tom Pelissero that the draft pick is a 2023 sixth round pick. Grant is owed $2,000,000 this year and will become a free agent in 2022. At 28 ("29" October 30th) years old his best season was last year when he brought in 36 receptions for 373 yards and 1 touchdown. He has 3 career punt return touchdowns and 2 kick return touchdowns. His biggest downside is his 12 fumbles in his 6 year career. 

    I believe the Bears are geniuses for this move, especially since it dates back all the way to April 15th 2021. The Bears knew this guy would be available, or why else would they not attempt any contract negotiations with Cordarrelle Patterson? They knew that Patterson would be a bust coming into this season I mean c'mon, he's only had 5 total touchdowns in 4 games with a miniscule 235yards receiving and 119 yards rushing. To put it in Fantasy Football terms, he's currently the #2 to #3 running back in the NFL. But the Bears obviously know something we don't know, that's why they let him leave instead of paying him the $3,000,000 he was asking for this season. 

    But why am I comparing a WR to a RB? Well that's because Patterson is pretty much a gadget player and plays both positions when needed. Also, Patterson is what you would call a "return specialist". In 9 seasons he has a total of 8 kick return touchdowns which ties him for the most of all time. He's never really been a punt return guy, but I'm sure he would do it if asked. 

    In my non-professional opinion I firmly believe that Patterson wanted to stay a Chicago Bear and even took to twitter to try to bring others to the team that he didn't realize he wouldn't be a part of. 

Response To Deshawn Watson Trade Demands

Career Stats  

Conclusion

    The Bears organization obviously knows something that no one else knows about hiring players/personnel. It will "definitely" pay off in the future. I see this organization going "far" with its current ownership. Grant at his young age of 28 (29) is a way better deal than old Patterson at the ripe old age of 30.

Say Something Nice

    Just sell the fucking team already. This isn't funny anymore and I'm actually starting to get pissed off. I've defended Matt Nagy and Ryan Pace in the past but it's turned into a total shit show instead of a Championship franchise like we were all promised. I like Justin Fields, but how can he succeed on a team that makes dumbass decisions like this? I'm angry so I won't say anything nice about the Bears today. If they put a roof on the new stadium in Arlington Heights they should remove the GSH from their jerseys. 

Prediction

With Justin Fields: Bears (24) - Raiders (21)

Without Justin Fields: Bears (12) - Raiders (32)













Tuesday, October 5, 2021

I've Been Digging Though Jared Goff's Trash: Found his Surfboard

  

    After week four of the NFL season, I think it's safe to say that Jared Goff has finally found his inner Lion. After Sundays 14-24 loss to the Chicago Bears Jared Goff said to the media, "Yeah, maybe a pissed-off team will execute a little bit better and that’s me included. How can we be better next week? Maybe getting pissed off will be the answer.” Who gets more pissed off than a member of the Lions organization? Nobody. Goff has finally rejected his old California ways and has accepted the fact that he now lives in Michigan, and must fully embrace his newfound Michigander lifestyle and attitude. 

    I've Been Digging Through Jared Goff's Trash

    After digging though Jared Goff's trash yesterday we found some evidence to confirm this claim. At first sight we found a surfboard laying next to the trashcan which is pretty good evidence that Goff wont need it for the Detroit River. Next we opened up the first trashcan which was full of Tofu and hundreds of pounds of Beyond Burger (vegetarian burger). The smell was disgusting so we played it off as maybe he left his freezer open and thawed all the meat.........which now that I'm writing this sounds ridiculous as its all vegetarian. Does fake meat go bad? Like is there an expiration date? Honestly I don't care, I'm not a soy boy. We also found the keys to his Tesla, still searching the trash for the Tesla. 

    What really convinced my team and myself that Goff had become a full blown Michigander..... were hundreds of receipts to Krogers, Meijers, WalmartsNorthwoods Wholesale Outlet in Pinconning, etc. It's impossible to write down everything that he purchased in the months since arriving in Michigan......but I'll list a few. 

  • Snow Blower
  • Verners Ginger Ale
  • Carhart Jacket
  • Pastie Recipe book
  • Fresh Water Fishing for dummies
  • Tire Repair (pot hole damage)
  • Big Boy (Breakfast Buffet/Spaghetti)
  • A "My Governors' an Idiot Bumper Sticker"
  • Ford F-150 (Basic Package)
  • 30 cases of Busch Light (5 cases were the hunters orange cans, not sure why they had that info on the receipt)
  • An Only Fans subscription to Brandi Love (Fire up Chips)
  • Burn Permit
  • 50lbs of Fudge 
  • Tree Stand
  • Detroit vs Everybody Shirt, Shoes, and Shorts
  • Ponderosa (didn't that place close?)
  • A 1997 University of Michigan National Champs Sweatshirt (shared with Nebraska)
  • A statue of Paul Bunyan 
  • 10 cases of Bell's Two Hearted Ale 
  • Autographed Al Kaline baseball
  • Farmers Almanac 
  • Fishing License (way overpriced)
  • Season tickets to the Great Lakes Loons
  • Pontoon (with Tiki Bar)
  • 12 receipts from Eminem's new Mom's Spaghetti restaurant (literally just orders spaghetti)
  • 20 cases of Labatts Blue (0-4 must be tough on him)
  • Superman Ice-cream
  • Bottle Return Receipts 
  • Euchre For dummies
  • Speeding Ticket ( 32 in a 25)
  • Fish Frys (multiple locations, only on Fridays)
  • Koegel Red Hots 
  • North-Side Winter Jacket
  • Apples/Apple Cider
  • Luckys Hunting Blind
  • Deer Combination License/ Base Tag
  • Ice Auger
  • I Hate Ohio T-shirt
  • etc.
Conclusion

    Goff has been busy. I believe he now has what it takes to take Detroit to five or six (9-8) seasons with Dan Campbell by his side. No boxes were found so we know for a fact that Goff has been saving them for kindling (big Michigan energy).

Prediction

Lions (15) - Vikings (21)

Don't bet the over

Things I'm not going to Watch: College Football National Championship

      Very Convenient:       Can someone please explain to me how two SEC teams are playing each other in the National Championship? I don...